Funny Old Age Poems

Funny Funny Old Age Poems Jokes Verses and Quotes are at the heart of every family and brilliant relationship. Love and laughter make the world go round and it's probably a good thing that sight is one of the first things to fade.Enjoy these ditties and adapt them for your card or joke, they are free for you to use for non commercial purpose.











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Funny Old Age Poems

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and
I don't deserve that either.
Jack Benny

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Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed and a
peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled
down the shade.
Joan Rivers

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The secret of staying young is good health, and
lying about your age.

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I saw a specialist who asked me: "Are you familiar
with the phrase faecal impaction?" I said: "I think I
saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas"

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My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it.
She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

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Funny Old Age Poems

People have 2 ears and only one mouth.
I guess that means that we should listen more and talk less.

Hmm! 2 legs and only 1 head.
Maybe you should think less and F... off!

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Funny Old Age Poems

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible
out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he
floored it to 100mph, enjoying the wind blowing through
what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying
pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his
rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly
nutcase as he floored it to 120mph,then 130 then 140mph.

Suddenly, he thought,"What on earth am I doing? I'm too old
for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the
road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the
driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm
taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why
you were speeding that I've never heard before,
I'll let you go."

The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and
replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman.
I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman .

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Funny Old Age Poems

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me,
my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humor."

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PHARMACOLOGY

The trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is
Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen..
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also
called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts,
it recently announced that it has settled on the generic
name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin,
Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course,
Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be
available in liquid form, and will be marketed by
Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself
a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft
drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails'
'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:
MOUNT & DO..

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent
on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's
research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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Funny Old Age Poems

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse
appears and asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words
the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"Oops!"

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On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached
cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance
of your flight attendants."

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Funny Old Age Poems

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***TECHNOLOGY***

The computer swallowed grandma,
Yes, honestly it's true.
She pressed "control" and "enter"
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
and files of every kind:
I've even used the Internet,
but nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found "online".
So, if inside your "Inbox",
My Grandma you should see,
Please "Copy", "Scan" and "Paste" her
And send her back to me!

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Before marriage a man will lay awake all night thinking
about something you said;
after marriage he'll fall asleep before
you've even finished saying it.

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