Funny Retirement Poems

Funny Retirement Poems is the place for many humorous verses which have been woven into two poems by the prolific internet poet Jon Bratton and which are here with his permission in return for a link to his website. You may use these for personal non commercial use. They may not be used by publishers











No more rush hour driving
To start and end your day
No more early alarm calls
But..much less pay

No more back stabbing
Or rising to the bait
No more phone calls from the boss
Asking you to work late
But...having to get by
On half your hourly rate

Now you have all day
To sit or doze to stay to go
Anywhere you like...
.. but cheaply
You've got less dough

Travel around the world
Do anything you've desired
But do it economically
Now that you're retired

Jon Bratton 2008

**

Congratulations on your well deserved retirement,
Wishing you every happiness in the years ahead.
No lying about your age, more lying around the house
After lying much longer in bed

As a chapter closes in your life,
And a new one starts for you,
May your years be filled with all the things
You've been looking forward to!

It is time to step aside
For a less experienced and less able man
It is time to do nothing
Because you can

It's No Job, No Stress, No Pay
It's goodbye tension...hello pension
It's spending your kids inheritance
It's when work never gets a mention

Take life with a pinch of salt
A shot of tequila and a wedge of lime
Do nothing at all
But take your time

All the meaning has gone out of weekends
Now you have a Life
With half the money
And twice the wife

Have a terrific retirement
You earned it!

Jon Bratton 2009

Go to Age Jokes One Liners from Funny Retirement Poems

Do You Have A Great Story/Poem About This Topic?

Do you have a great story/poem about this? Would you like to share it with us, just how wonderful it is to get your life back after a lifetime of working for someone else?