Miscellaneous
**Magic Food: Oatmeal, bird seed, rice crispies, plus a little bit of glitter.
===================
Letter from Tooth Fairy
Sorry, but due to the massive quantity of children loosing teeth, we have to resort to a form letter, please forgive.
Dear____________
Thank you for leaving one (1) tooth under your pillow last night.
While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:
the tooth could not be found
it was not a human tooth
we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odour
the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
the tooth did not originally belong to you
the tooth fairy does not process fingernails
your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action
you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the Tooth Fairy
you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received
the tooth is still in your mouth
the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
no night light was on at the time of our visit
the snacks provided for the Tooth Fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing
we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
string
pliers
gunpowder
hammer marks
chisel
part of skull attached to tooth
no dental care
other
Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.
Sincerely,
The Tooth Fairy
Burton Hillis, Better Homes and Gardens
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
A ROUND TUIT Write or type this verse and using a small wooden circle, stiff cardboard, poker chip, etc., with Tuit written on it. Glue both to a card or put into snack bag.
The faucet that leaks,
The hinge that squeaks.
The crack in the door,
The hole in the floor.
You said you'd do it,
Just as soon as you could
get around to it.
Now the round tuit is here,
So my friend never fear,
You'll have all the time to do it,
Since from this day you can't get
away with the excuse,
WHEN I GET A ROUND TUIT.
AND ANOTHER VERSION:
THIS IS A TUIT Guard if with you life, as TUITS are hard to come by, expecially the round ones. This is an indispensable item. It will help you become a more efficient worker. For years we have heard people say, "I'll do it as soon as I get a ROUND TUIT." Now that you have one, you can accomplish all those things you put aside until you got a ROUND TUIT
The HUG
No moving parts, no batteries.
No monthly payments and no fees.
Inflation proof, non-taxable,
In fact, it's quite relaxable.
It can't be stolen, won't pollute,
One size fits all, do not dilute.
It uses little energy,
But yields results enormously.
Relieves your tension and your stress,
Invigorates your happiness.
Combats depression, makes you beam,
And elevates your self esteem!
Your circulation it corrects,
Without unpleasant side effects.
It is, I think, the perfect drug,
May I prescribe, my friend...
The Hug!
(and, of course, fully returnable)
-Author Unknown
"I've Got a New Hattitude!"
"The Older I get, the Better I Was!"
"I am not bossy, I just have better ideas"
"I'd rather be 50 than pregnant"
"You can argue with me...or you can be wrong"
"Next Mood Swing - 5 Minutes"
I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Age 6 I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night". Age 7
I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9
I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up. Age 12
I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 13
I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15
I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24
I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 25
I've learned that wherever I go, the worlds worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29
I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 39
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 41
I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little card. Age 44
I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others. Age 45
I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 46
I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours. Age 49
I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 52
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53
I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58
I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage. Age 61
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65
I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66
I've learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72
I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several. Age 73
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 82
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 85
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92
===================
Letter from Tooth Fairy
Sorry, but due to the massive quantity of children loosing teeth, we have to resort to a form letter, please forgive.
Dear____________
Thank you for leaving one (1) tooth under your pillow last night.
While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:
the tooth could not be found
it was not a human tooth
we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odour
the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
the tooth did not originally belong to you
the tooth fairy does not process fingernails
your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action
you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the Tooth Fairy
you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received
the tooth is still in your mouth
the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
no night light was on at the time of our visit
the snacks provided for the Tooth Fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing
we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
string
pliers
gunpowder
hammer marks
chisel
part of skull attached to tooth
no dental care
other
Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.
Sincerely,
The Tooth Fairy
Burton Hillis, Better Homes and Gardens
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
A ROUND TUIT Write or type this verse and using a small wooden circle, stiff cardboard, poker chip, etc., with Tuit written on it. Glue both to a card or put into snack bag.
The faucet that leaks,
The hinge that squeaks.
The crack in the door,
The hole in the floor.
You said you'd do it,
Just as soon as you could
get around to it.
Now the round tuit is here,
So my friend never fear,
You'll have all the time to do it,
Since from this day you can't get
away with the excuse,
WHEN I GET A ROUND TUIT.
AND ANOTHER VERSION:
THIS IS A TUIT Guard if with you life, as TUITS are hard to come by, expecially the round ones. This is an indispensable item. It will help you become a more efficient worker. For years we have heard people say, "I'll do it as soon as I get a ROUND TUIT." Now that you have one, you can accomplish all those things you put aside until you got a ROUND TUIT
The HUG
No moving parts, no batteries.
No monthly payments and no fees.
Inflation proof, non-taxable,
In fact, it's quite relaxable.
It can't be stolen, won't pollute,
One size fits all, do not dilute.
It uses little energy,
But yields results enormously.
Relieves your tension and your stress,
Invigorates your happiness.
Combats depression, makes you beam,
And elevates your self esteem!
Your circulation it corrects,
Without unpleasant side effects.
It is, I think, the perfect drug,
May I prescribe, my friend...
The Hug!
(and, of course, fully returnable)
-Author Unknown
"I've Got a New Hattitude!"
"The Older I get, the Better I Was!"
"I am not bossy, I just have better ideas"
"I'd rather be 50 than pregnant"
"You can argue with me...or you can be wrong"
"Next Mood Swing - 5 Minutes"
I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Age 6 I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night". Age 7
I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9
I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up. Age 12
I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 13
I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15
I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24
I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 25
I've learned that wherever I go, the worlds worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29
I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 39
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 41
I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little card. Age 44
I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others. Age 45
I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 46
I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours. Age 49
I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 52
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53
I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58
I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage. Age 61
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65
I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66
I've learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72
I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several. Age 73
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 82
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 85
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92