Retirement Quotes
Retirement Quotes is the place for sayings about that wonderful time when a person can quit the rat race, albeit he/she must get by on less cheese. Yes here's a collection of things to say or write to a lucky duck who has qualified for retirement
Ahhh Retirement: Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow!
"Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long."--Burt Reynolds "Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul."--Douglas MacArthur "Old age is always 15 years older than I am."--Bernard Baruch "It has been said that there is no fool like an old fool, except a young fool. But the young fool has first to grow up to be an old fool to realize what a damn fool he was when he was a young fool."--Harold Macmillan "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."--Lucille Ball "You're only young once, but you can be immature all your life."--Charles Scoggins "I just don't think of age and time in respect of years. I have too much experience of people in their seventies who are vigorous and useful and people who are thirty-five who are in lousy physical shape and can't think straight. I don't think age has that much to do with it."--Harrison Ford "Old age is no place for sissies."--Bette Davis "It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like."--Jackie Mason Retirement Quotes "The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older."--Doug Larson "I used to dread getting older, because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older, I find that I don't want to do them."--Lady Nancy Astor "A man is as old as the woman he feels."--Groucho Marx "As a senior citizen, you may as well learn to laugh at yourself. Everyone else is."--Kent Huffman "Laughter doesn't require teeth."--Bill Newton YOU KNOW YOU'RE OVER THE HILL WHEN.....1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal. I'm the life of the party...... even if it lasts until 8 p.m. I'm very good at opening childproof caps... with a hammer. I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying. I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over... I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine. I'm so cared for --- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care. I'm not really grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Jenny Craig and Toyota commercials, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can't seem to remember right now. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere. I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg. I'm having trouble remembering simple words like....... I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps. I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen? I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150? And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes? I'm a walking storeroom of facts..... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door Retirement Quotes Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~ Herbert Henry Asquith I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. ~ Bob Hope We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~ Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation ...As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~ Winston Churchill Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.....But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. ~ Phyllis Diller The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out. ~ Unknown By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. ~ Billy Crystal Retirement Quotes You change your underwear after a sneeze.OLD IS WHEN: 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today. 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee! Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee. Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas. Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept. Tactful in dealing with superiors: Knows when to keep mouth shut. Willing to take calculated risks: Doesn't mind spending someone else's money. Retirement Quotes Thoughts for the weekend: Someone admires your alligator shoes and you are barefoot. Your husband says: 'hey, let's go upstairs and make love.' And you reply: 'pick one, I can't do both.' I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! 7:00 am - Wake up and laugh at silent alarm clock, which has been turnedoff the night before.7:00 to 7:01 - Brisk calisthenics, lying in bed.7:01 to 9:00 - Go back to sleep.9:00 to 10:00 - Breakfast: bourbon, toast, bacon, eggs, coffee10:00 to 11:00 - Give wife orders of the day and point out her errorsof the day before.11:00 to 11:15 - Coffee and bourbon break, spent resting on the sofa11:15 to 12:15 - Front porch rocking chair session. make plans on howto spend tomorrow in a constructive way.12:15 to 12:30 - Highball with next-door neighbor.12:30 to 1:30 - Lunch: beer, beef sandwich, apple pie, and cheese.1:30 to 1:35 - Read good book to improve mind.1:35 to 3:00 - Nap on sofa3:00 to 3:15 - Coffee and bourbon break3:15 to 4:45 - Back porch rocking chair session to get benefit of afternoonsun. Review morning's plans for tomorrow; decide tomorrowis a bad day to start any new projects.4:45 to 5:00 - Inspect vegetable garden; point out to wife areas where sheshould do more hoeing.5:00 to 8:30 - Cocktail hour.8:30 to 9:30 - Dinner: wine, sirloin steak, salad, mashed potatoes and gravy,ice cream.9:30 to 11:59 - Discuss with wife why world is going to pot; lay out herschedule for the next day.11:50 to 12:00 - Write postcard to boss saying how much you miss the oldgang and how you are champing at the bit to get back.12:00 to 12:01 - Go to bed with second book of the day to improve mind.12:01 - Throw book out window and fall asleep. Retirement Quotes A lot of our friends complain about their retirement. We tell 'emto get a life. - Larry Laser
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. - Jonathan Clements
RetirementWhen you see some people work you wonder what they'll do in retirement. - Unknown wise person
Retirement Quotes
Retirement Quotes
The Republican Party is a friend of Social Security the way ColonelSanders was a friend of chickens. Charles T. Manatt
Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. It means choice. Dianne Nahirny
Retirement SayingsWhen some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to tell the difference. Unknown wise person
Retirement Quotes
The way retirement is shaping up, how will one know for sure whenhe or she has retired? Robin Fowler The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. Vince Lombardi Retirement SayingsSex is Number 1 of my Top 10 joys in retirement. Number 2 is readingHow to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free. I forgot the other 8. from Graffiti for the Enlightened Soul
I'm retired I'm not dead! Unknown Wise Person
Retirement QuotesThe question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. George Foreman
Yes, I am thoroughly enjoying retirement! The best part is observingmy neighbors drive off to work in the morning knowing that that theirday will be filled with jerks, brainless and endless meetings, jerks,vendor lunches where you hold your breath just waiting for the salespitch until you regurgitate your pasta, more jerks and the eventualcompany reorganization of the section that was just reorganized lastmonth! Bill Kalmar I have now the gloomy prospect of retiring from office loaded withserious debts, which will materially affect the tranquility of myretirement. Thomas Jefferson Retirement Quotes There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people. Muhammad Ali (on the occasion of one of his retirements)
More Retirement SayingsThe worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time. Unknown wise person
The key to a happy retirement is to have enough money to live on, but not enough to worry about. Unknown wise person
Retirement QuotesI am a free man. I feel as light as a feather. Javier Pιrez de Cuιllar (b. 1920), Peruvian diplomat, Secretary-General of U.N.
The student who secures his coveted leisure and retirement by systematicallyshirking any labor necessary to man obtains but an ignoble and unprofitableleisure, defrauding himself of the experience which alone can makeleisure fruitful. Henry David Thoreau For More Great Quotations Select the Category Below
Retirement Quotes
Retirement SayingRetirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it. Unknown wise person
Retirement Quotes Have you ever been out for a late autumn walk in the closing partof the afternoon, and suddenly looked up to realize that the leaveshave practically all gone? And the sun has set and the day gone beforeyou knew it and with that a cold wind blows across the landscape?That's retirement. Stephen Leacock
The only liberty an inferior man really cherishes is the liberty to quit work, stretch out in the sun, and scratch himself. H. L. Mencken No longer having to punch a time clock is my definition of retirement. That way I could do what I want when I want anytime I want. Brooky Brown I don't even think about a retirement program because I'm workingfor the Lord, for the Almighty. And even thought the Lord's pay isn'tvery high, his retirement program is, you might say, out of this world. George Foreman Retirement SayingThere are a lot of books telling you how to manage when you retire. What most people want is one thatll tell them how to manage in the meantime. Unknown wise person
Unknown wise person I'm retired goodbye tension, hello pension! Unknown wise person
Retirement Quotes Most people perform essentially meaningless work. When they retire that truth is borne upon them. Brendan Francis Lord Tyrawley and I have been dead these two years, but we don't choose to have it known. Lord Chesterfield Eating's going to be a whole new ball game. I may even have to buy a new pair of trousers. Lester Piggott (b. 1935), British champion jockey. On his retirement.
Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their companies should foot the bill. We can no longer afford to scrap-pile people. Maggie Kuhn (1905-1995), U.S. civil rights activist There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it "retirement." I call it bliss. Betty Sullivan Retirement SayingsForget how old you are this gets more important the older you get. from How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free
Enjoy every retirement day as if it was your last and one day you will be right about it. Unknown wise person
Humorous Retirement Quotes I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left. Voltaire (in retirement)
Retirement QuoteThe great thing about show business is that there's no mandatory retirement age. Scott Bakula Retirement QuoteWhen a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. R.C. Sherriff
Retirement QuoteWhen a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Chi Chi Rodriguez
Retirement QuoteAm I retired already? It's possible. I'm having way too much fun forthis [job] to be work. Robin Fowler
Retirement QuoteA retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. Ella Harris
Retirement Quote I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week. Vince McMahon
Retirement QuoteWhen men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. Gail Sheehy Retirement Quote I pant for retirement and leisure, but am doomed to inexpressible and almost unsupportable hurry. Sarah Siddons
Retirement QuoteRetirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret
Retirement QuoteThe gradually declining years are among the sweetest in a man's life. Seneca Retirement QuoteIn retirement, only money and symptoms are consequential. Mason Cooley Retirement QuoteTo retire is the beginning of death. Pablo Casals
Retirement QuoteAs to that leisure evening of life, I must say that I do not want it. I can conceive of no contentment of which toil is not to be the immediate parent. Anthony Trollope
Retirement QuoteIn this country . . . men seem to live for action as long as they can and sink into apathy when they retire. Charles Francis Adams, Sr.
Retirement QuoteBut what, it may be asked, are the requisites for a life of retirement? A man may be weary of the toils and torments of business, and yet quite unfit for the tranquil retreat. Without literature, friendship, and religion, retirement is in most cases found to be a dead, flat level, a barren waste, and a blank. Neither the body nor the soul can enjoy health and life in a vacuum. Richter I think it [retirement] beats the heck out of life after death, that's for sure. Martina Navratilova Don't simply retire from something; have something to retire to. Harry Emerson Fosdick Retirement Sayings The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the best work I was best suited for was retirement. Unknown wise person
I like retirement life. It's something to do when no one wants you to work anymore. Unknown Wise Person Retirement Quotes Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement. Arthur E. Morgan Retire from work, but not from life. M. K. Soni
Financial Retirement Quotes The thing to do is to make so much money that you don't have to work after the age of twenty-seven. In case this is impractical, stop workingat the earliest moment, even if it is a quarter past eleven in themorning of the day when you find you have enough money. Robert BenchleyYou can be young without money but you can't be old without it. Tennessee Williams Retirement Quotes by Famous PeopleRetirement is the ugliest word in the language. Ernest Hemingway Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them.
Louis Armstrong
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