Short Funny Poems

Welcome to our webpage of Short Funny Poems for the sheer joy of sending a silly message or just having a laugh and you are welcome to use these free for non commercial purposes.











Short Funny Poems

**

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
T S Eliot

**

Out of the mouths of babes

Mother returned from 2 days away
Her little boy greeted her by saying,
"Mummy, guess what! Yesterday!
I was in your wardrobe, playing

Daddy came in with the lady next door
And their clothes started to drop
And they lay undressed on the bed
And then daddy climbed on top
"

Mother held up her hand.
"Not another word. That story's bad
Exactly what you've just told me."
I want you to tell to Dad

As Dad walked into the house,
His wife said, "I'm off. I'm packed already, see? "
"But why--" asked the startled father.
" Sonny. Tell him what you told me."

"Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your wardrobe
And daddy came in with the lady next door
And they got undressed
And all their clothes were on the floor

And they got up on the bed
And then they did that thing
That you did with Uncle JohnJon Bratton

**
Short Funny Poems

**

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

**

I saw a specialist who asked me: 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?' I said: 'I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas'.

**

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

**

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.

10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave,
Because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping

**

The perks of reaching 80 and heading towards 90 and older!
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run----anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out
8. You can eat supper at 4pm.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

**

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.
Tommy Cooper

**
more

Short Funny Poems

From Short Funny Poems go to Funny Quotes about Life

Funny Love Poems